In Madison, Wisconsin, thieves knocked down a fence and broke into a home through a window to steal a 300 pound safe.

The valuables stored inside the safe? It was grandma!

The ashes of Silvia Postell were inside the safe. Her husband Roy and other family members desperately want them back.

Roy had planned to have his ashes mixed with Silvia's when he passes away and is offering a $1,000 reward in hopes of getting them back.

The robbery took place in broad daylight, yet no witnesses have come forward.

Come on people... Someone had to have seen something.

Some good 'ole boys in Georgia have announced that they have a Bigfoot corpse in a freezer.

I guess their story might have been more believable had it not changed three times so far.

First they said that they animal was shot by a "former felon" and they followed it into the woods, where it apparently died.

Then the story changed a bit when they said that they found a whole Bigfoot family in the mountains of North Georgia.

The third story is that they were hiking and came across the Bigfoot corpse, and of course scooped it up and put it in a deep freeze.

The pictures of the supposed Bigfoot corpse, all hairy and frozen, are on the bigfoottracker.com website. They say it is 7 foot, 7 inches, 550 pounds and has 16 inch human-like feet. Oh, and it has reddish hair. Kinda reads like an internet dating profile, huh?

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Reserve is not taking the Bigfoot claim seriously. After all, Bigfoot is not an endangered species.

Another reason they may not be taking it all that seriously is that the thing looks like a Halloween costume jammed into a cooler with some animal innards strewn on top of it.

The Georgia boys say it is real though, and they have had the Bigfoot DNA tested to prove their claim. I guess we'll see what happens. Maybe there is a Bigfoot inside that ape costume.

UPDATE: The DNA results are in. There were two samples submitted for testing. One was human, the other came from an opossum.

In Beaverton, Oregon, a woman who may have been an identity thief was caught doing the strangest thing.

Here's what went down:

Some unknown woman snuck into a nursing home and spent at least three evenings visiting with a resident there. She convinced the woman and everyone else that she was the woman's granddaughter.

So the woman who was the nursing home resident told her son about her new visitor/granddaughter. The son then decided to hang out at the nursing home to try to find out who the mystery visitor was.

Are you following this? It is so weird that it is hard to explain.

Sure enough, the mystery woman showed up while he was there and was wearing scrubs. She walked into the room and said "Hi Grandma!"

The son asked her who she was and she explained that she worked at the nursing home and was there to give "Grandma" a massage. When she was asked where her nametag was she said she didn't have one and bolted.

Nothing seems to have been stolen from the nursing home and no one knows who the woman was or what she was doing there. Police have a theory that she may have been attempting to steal the nursing home resident's identity.

The mystery nursing home visitor was caught on a surveillance camera and police hope to find and speak with her.

One of the original Kings of Comedy, Bernie Mac, passed away yesterday in Chicago. He was coarse, used very rough language and was brutally honest in his routines. He was funny as hell though and will be missed. RIP Bernie Mac.

At a Brooklyn amusement park there is a strange new attraction... the waterboarding exhibit.

At first I thought this news story was saying that people at the park get tortured just for fun, but it's robotic dolls that are in on the waterboarding action. Guests of the park just pay to watch.

The display is actually an art installation built to criticize waterboarding torture.

This is so perfect, why didn't I think of it? I saw this video at Cows Gone Mad and thought it was hysterical:

I just want to know when a cheeseburger IV will be available.

Tonight I went to eat at Cracker Barrel with my family. When we arrived at the restaurant I had a mini-altercation with a very sour man in the parking lot.

As I was looking for a parking spot, I found one that was actually two spots that if I had wanted to, I could have driven through so that when I left my car would have been pointing the right way and i could have left without using reverse. However, since my car has reverse I didn't really intend to do that.

However, a sour man in the parking lot apparently had that idea in mind for the two parking spots and was coming around the other way. So when I pulled in on the opposite side, I completely ruined his evening. He gave me the "I hope you burn in Hell" look and threw his car into reverse and went to park somewhere else.

So of course, when we were seated in the restaurant it was near him and he mouthed "learn how to drive" at me. I laughed at him. Why do people want to let something so minor ruin their entire evening? After all, there were TWO parking spots there. I didn't steal a spot from him. Oh well.

So it reminded me of one of my favorite commercials. I've probably posted this one before, but it's just so great here it is again. It's the Skittles Sour Man. Enjoy!

Looks like my stupid criminals category got wiped out with the database crash, but never fear - there are plenty of idiots out there living a life of crime.

Today the Arizona Daily Sun reported a robbery at an ice cream store by a couple of criminals who weren't too swift.

First they tried to rob the store with a fake gun. The clerk noticed the gun was a toy and didn't give up the cash, so one of them tried to reach into the cash drawer and just take the money anyway. That was a bad idea...

The clerk slammed the cash drawer shut on his hand and called the police.

After freeing his hand, the robber and robber #2 fled the store and left in a car driven by a third idiot. All three were later arrested and the car was seized.

This spring and summer I have really gotten back into gardening. I have pots of plants everywhere, compost “cooking” and a big pile of mulch outside.

One of the dangers of gardening, for me anyway, is the chance that I could encounter a snake. I already injured myself once this year while running from a snake that I “found” in the mulch pile. That’s really the reason that the mulch pile is still there.. where it will stay.. and decompose. I won’t touch it.

Anyway, I’ve been told that if you stomp around and make noise, the snakes will hear you and leave the area. I always carry a shovel and bang it on the ground as I walk around the yard now and my friend Tiffany said “Oh, like bear bells?”

So I got this photo in an e-mail from Amy today and it reminded me of that whole conversation with Tiffany about the snake, my insane fear of snakes and “bear bells.”

Well, this database is as good as it gets and it is current as of.. well.. a 2-3 months ago or something like that. So I'm back!

There'll be lots of tweaking and youse guys that had links will have them again. It'll just take me a little while to get it all put back together.

Thanks for the support!